To my first Girlfriend, let's trade your explanation, for my manhood

High School Sweetheart, I had one, Katherine from Westlake, OH, and not such a romantic ending. After a couple months of dating, I got the hard core blow off. No note, no phone calls, nothing! Anyway fast forward ten years, she recognizes my name, and comes out to a comedy show to say 'Hi'. So suppressing my bitterness, and a couple beers later, I have to ask, "Lady, what happened back in the day?"

Well it turns out that on our last date, I took her back to my parents' house, no one was home, and I spent the next four hours showing her my baseball card collection. Yeah, there she was ready for some dry humping, some sloppy hickey exchanges, and some Color Me Bad background music, and I'm showing her Cal Ripken rookie cards.

Then I broke out the Star Wars toy collection, the Millennium Falcon, never got Han Solo laid, not sure why I thought it would work for me? Then to complete the evening I broke out a price guide just to hammer home how much my empire of anti-vagina collectibles were actually worth.

The truth is I forgot that I did do all those things, and I didn't really need that trip down memory lane to emphasize exactly how lame I'm capable of being. The lesson here is simple, if you want to eliminate teen pregnancy don't give boys condemns, just hand him some Michael Jordan basketball cards.